secret marinade

So there I was, putting all my ingredients together for my super special marinade, adding a little bit of this and a little bit of that, a dash here, a cup there and voila, finished! Happy that it was mixed the way I wanted it to be, I dashed over to the fridge and grabbed the package of pork chops. This was going to be great, they were going to be able to bathe in my delicious goodness all day before I grilled them on our new grill.

I placed the large, elixir filled, zip lock bag next to the chops and proceeded to open the package. I took my cooking tongs and picked up a chop to deliver it to its new home. I new something was wrong when the hair in my nostrils curled up and tried to hide, what was that smell? I picked up another chop and the smell of rotted flesh evaporated into a dark green cloud around me. Thinking that it might just be my age worn sniffer, I did the appropriate thing that any gentleman would do;. “Honey, can you come here for a minute, I need you to smell something for me?”

Being the awesome woman that she is, she happily came in from the living room to oblige. As she drew closer, I could see her eyes open up wide and begin to water. “What is that horrid smell?” she asked stepping back a few steps and gagging. “Oh, you smell it too?” I blurted out knowing full well that she was being overtaken by the noxious fumes. “I think the pork chops are bad! Well doesn’t that just suck out loud!” All my hard work to create the perfect marinade ruined by fetid, stinky, pork chops!

I checked the date on the package of chops as my wife ran around cleansing the air with a can of deodorizing spray and lighting every candle she could get her hands on. The expiration date wasn’t for four more days and I had just bought them yesterday. Major disappointment as I was looking forward to chops on the grill. It will be awhile before I buy another package of chops, that’s for sure. I think that horrible smell is permanently embedded in the lining of my nose. Anyways, I dropped my wife off at work and went back to the grocery store with my grocery receipt. They gave me back my money, no questions asked. I used that cash to buy a package of chicken and made it home to whip up another batch of my awesome marinade and soak the chicken in it. I was really anxious about opening the package of chicken, but all was good!

So the stinky pork chop sublimation was saved by the chicken and the story ended well. A delicious, delectable, supper was grilled and served without an issue. “There is nothing more gross than the smell of rotten, meat!”